Seemingly, my friends would rather discuss my blogs on gchat then leave me comments and make me feel special. :o( But yesterday, I felt like there was some adequate and pertinent discussion that should make it onto this forum. So I am knowingly taking the risk of publishing private chats... I was never very good at secrets anyway.
Sarah: I agree with you (as you know) that society really does ask nothing of men. It asks, "what happened to our precious flowers?" as if we just one day decided to all be sluts. At the same time as it laments, it tells us that if we don't like the way the new paradigm is, we have to change ourselves as if it was our fault that it resulted in the way it did.
Me: EXACTLY
Sarah: and essentially, "changing" means either reverting back to being the second sex, or accepting our whoredom and shutting up about how romance is dead. some choice. which is how people like you and me who don't want to be the second sex, but can't sustain ourselves emotionally in this system of uncaring hook-ups, end up falling through the cracks and feeling utterly misunderstood
me: sigh. this is why i love you
Sarah: indeed, and this is why our greatest love affairs have been with each other. I don't know if that's pathetic, but at least it's dignified.
me: hahahaha. so true
And another...
Carrie: i read your article too. it depressed me.
me: it pissed me off
Carrie: i refuse to believe that i can't have it all. and i'm like who are these women? i have no friends like that. at least who think they can't have both. they might not want both now, but they all want both eventually.
Carrie: what an annoying article for valentine's day...
So there it is...
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
To Hell With Love?
I know that it has been exactly a month since I updated this thing, and I do apologize. I suppose I was waiting for something to particularly incense me, and that something happened today.
I was skimming Dawn Eden's blog (because we all know I am borderline obsessed with her) and saw a small reference to a recent Washington Post Article (aptly published on February 14th) called "Love's Labor's Lost."
This article details the hesitancy of women to "fall in love" or "pursue romance" in favor of what Lloyd Kolbe, a health education professor at Indiana University-Bloomington, says is the "purposely uncaring" nature of hooking up.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Yes Mr. Kolbe, women WANT to shrug off the intimacy and caring nature of a relationship for one night stands. We LIKE feeling like we have to be pawns in a huge game with horrible odds of winning.
Instead, I would challenge you to think about the hypocrisy of today's 20 something culture. Of course the women interviewed in this article are afraid to fall in love.
Let's look at both sides of the spectrum. First, we have the Dawn Eden supporters. The women who truly want to be chaste. Believe me, that conversation with Mr. "Sex is one of the key factors in determining relationship compatibility" is incredibly awkward and almost always assures that you won't be getting a phone call for a second date. *News flash* today's culture requires the hookup before the THOUGHT of a relationship. Personal example: I recently asked my friends their opinion on when the appropriate time is to ask where a dating relationship is going. What is consensus of the world? "A hook-up, quasi relationship status must last a MONTH before the topic can be broached. Anything less would be smothering... just have fun hooking up and if it progresses further, great." And you wonder why women are afraid of love. They have to give all of themselves before they can even be considered a candidate for the program.
Ok, so you're not subscribing to the chastity mantra. Perhaps you are fine with the idea of casual sex. That doesn't mean that you cannot see a time and place for a romantic relationship as well. The "sexual freedom" mantra of radical 70's feminism has made it nearly impossible for women to be sexual creatures and still want more. It's an all or nothing world. You are either going to have sex like a man with no ties, deriving power and confidence from your exploits or you are being used and abused. There is no happy medium.
I just cannot believe this article would imply that it is solely women's hesitancy to fall in love that is causing us to not know how to have relationships, to not know how to develop the fundamental pillars of caring for other people. No, it is the virgin/slut dichotomy that we are faced with everyday. It is the death of chivalry and the degradation of EXPECTED masculine respect for women.
It's not LOVE that confuses us. It's everything else surrounding love that tortures us. It is like love is at the center of a labrynth and we are all stuck at different dead ends with no map in sight.
I was skimming Dawn Eden's blog (because we all know I am borderline obsessed with her) and saw a small reference to a recent Washington Post Article (aptly published on February 14th) called "Love's Labor's Lost."
This article details the hesitancy of women to "fall in love" or "pursue romance" in favor of what Lloyd Kolbe, a health education professor at Indiana University-Bloomington, says is the "purposely uncaring" nature of hooking up.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Yes Mr. Kolbe, women WANT to shrug off the intimacy and caring nature of a relationship for one night stands. We LIKE feeling like we have to be pawns in a huge game with horrible odds of winning.
Instead, I would challenge you to think about the hypocrisy of today's 20 something culture. Of course the women interviewed in this article are afraid to fall in love.
Let's look at both sides of the spectrum. First, we have the Dawn Eden supporters. The women who truly want to be chaste. Believe me, that conversation with Mr. "Sex is one of the key factors in determining relationship compatibility" is incredibly awkward and almost always assures that you won't be getting a phone call for a second date. *News flash* today's culture requires the hookup before the THOUGHT of a relationship. Personal example: I recently asked my friends their opinion on when the appropriate time is to ask where a dating relationship is going. What is consensus of the world? "A hook-up, quasi relationship status must last a MONTH before the topic can be broached. Anything less would be smothering... just have fun hooking up and if it progresses further, great." And you wonder why women are afraid of love. They have to give all of themselves before they can even be considered a candidate for the program.
Ok, so you're not subscribing to the chastity mantra. Perhaps you are fine with the idea of casual sex. That doesn't mean that you cannot see a time and place for a romantic relationship as well. The "sexual freedom" mantra of radical 70's feminism has made it nearly impossible for women to be sexual creatures and still want more. It's an all or nothing world. You are either going to have sex like a man with no ties, deriving power and confidence from your exploits or you are being used and abused. There is no happy medium.
I just cannot believe this article would imply that it is solely women's hesitancy to fall in love that is causing us to not know how to have relationships, to not know how to develop the fundamental pillars of caring for other people. No, it is the virgin/slut dichotomy that we are faced with everyday. It is the death of chivalry and the degradation of EXPECTED masculine respect for women.
It's not LOVE that confuses us. It's everything else surrounding love that tortures us. It is like love is at the center of a labrynth and we are all stuck at different dead ends with no map in sight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
